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Training and consultancy that focuses on the results you need
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Click Here to read an article about transformational assertiveness. Click Here to see the Tallis Training 'Transformational Assertiveness' course. Scroll down to see 12 assertiveness tips.
12 assertiveness tips Use
congruence: make
sure that your body language and the feelings you are experiencing are expressed
in the words you use and the way that you say them. Use
incongruence:
sometimes, to soften your assertiveness in difficult circumstances you can speak
passively but present assertive body language, or present passive body language
and speak assertively. It is worth experimenting with incongruence in order to
widen the assertive options available to you. Use different
voice tones: sometimes you will need to raise your
voice to get attention. At other times it may be more appropriate to lower your
tone so as not to intimidate. Broken record:
the classic technique included on most assertiveness courses. You keep saying
what you want or need to happen until till you get a response you are happy
with. KISS:
keep it short and simple. Assertiveness fails when we try to say too much or
complicate our argument. Try to have: 1 Message
that you wish to get across 3 Step
feedback: sometimes,
in order to be assertive, we need to be able to say what is troubling us, how it
is affecting us and what we want done about it. Try this three – step feedback
model: ·
Describe the situation or behaviour that
is troubling you ·
Say how it makes you feel ·
Say what you would like to happen to
improve the situation or behaviour Chunking:
sometimes a problem can seem too big or intimidating to address, such as a major
problem with a work colleague or boss. Think about one aspect of the situation
that you feel you can deal with, no matter how small. Once you have dealt with
it move on to another small or manageable part of the problem.
Soon the majority of the problem will have been dealt with in small
chunks. Remember you
have options: you can choose to be assertive, passive
or aggressive, they are all part of you. It is very tiring to be assertive all
the time – you have the right to take a rest from it. Grounding and
breathing: we are more likely to feel confident
and mentally alert and in control if we are physically stable and have plenty of
oxygen in our lungs. So make sure that your posture is upright, that you have
both feet firmly on the floor, and that you take plenty of deep stomach breaths. S.T.O.P:
it is useful to have a trigger to remember if you are feeling a loss of control
that is stopping you from being assertive. Use this one: ·
Stop ·
Think ·
Orientate ·
Plan Mental
rehearsal:
the best way to be successful at anything is to prepare, so mentally rehearse
being assertive. Pick a specific situation, visualise it and run through it in
your mind. Be careful to rehearse each part of what you want to say.
Assertiveness
is also dealt with in detail by the Tallis Training 'Enhancing Your Administrative
Skills' programme - click Here to
see it.
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