Whilst on holiday in Havana my wife and I stopped outside a small bar in a quiet old square. Outside this bar there was a small band of musicians playing Latin American music.

The music was as one might expect in Cuba, all lively dance rhythms and full of life. The band played through its several numbers whilst my wife and I had our drinks and then, after several tunes, the mood of the music changed. Rather than being lively and rhythmic the music became quiet and serenade like. The change in style and pace caught my attention and then, after several moments, so did something else.

There was something about the melody being played that was very familiar, but I could not quite put my finger on what this was. Then it dawned on me: this delicate, serenade like tune was the marching song of the US Marines! The melody itself was unchanged, but the loving, softly caressing way in which it was being played was so unexpected and different that at first I had not recognised it for what it was. Once I had identified the tune my first reaction was to smile. The music had totally disarmed me!

Very often, we prepare for difficult problems or situations as if readying for battle. Once we are in this frame of mind it dictates our overall approach to the problem and it also influences the reception we receive from those affected by our efforts.

Sometimes, the more we march at a problem head on the stronger the resistance in front of us can become. People and events conspire against us and gradually the problem can transform into a savage, spitting beast that strikes back at us and twists, turns and eventually reverses our advance.

An alternative approach is to coax a problem and the difficulties associated with it gently out into the open. Not in order to immediately pounce upon them and tear them asunder, but to softly and delicately examine them and identify less painful ways in which they may be addressed.  

The next time you need to address a difficult problem or situation that needs a different approach try serenading and dancing with it rather than marching into it head on. Try some of the following:

• Gently explore its soft spots or easier areas first rather than immediately tackling the difficult issues.
• Be curious and welcoming rather than certain and suspicious.
• Encourage and praise rather than discourage and criticise.
• Make yourself attractive and accessible rather than intimidating and inaccessible.
• Seek to sing people’s praises rather than read the riot act
• Make what you say and the way that you say it attractive to those who are listening.
• Gently allow the problems to play themselves out rather than immediately hammering away at them.
• Think collaboration rather than combat.
• Look for the beauty, uniqueness or positives in a situation rather than the difficulties and problems.
• Speak about issues quietly and slowly rather than loudly and hurriedly.
• Find ways to love rather than hate the challenge.
• Approach challenges with an inner smile rather than a scowl.
• Aim to carefully and painlessly disarm rather than cause discomfort and injury.

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